We're Very Wide Awake, The Moon And I

Insomnia sets in when I have too much on my mind, and I definitely have too much hanging around in there right now.

I had rehearsals with my two girls tonight up at UCSD - a beautiful dance building, and I kind of felt like I was walking in circles. They were right there with me, listening to everything I said, trying everything I asked them to, and I could see the movement form in my head and for some reason had no concept of how to translate it to real time. I kept referring to my "Cartoon-Fantasy World," because that's what I felt like it was.

Ultimately, they got versions of the lifts I was looking at and we found floor patterns that worked within the parameters of the music, but in the moment it gets so difficult to take what I see happening behind my eyeballs and turn it into something tangible and beautiful (and doable). I commend them for stayinng with me.

The piece isn't exactly right yet. It's almost finished - just about three more minutes of a fourteen minute piece; not bad. There's just something, an essence, a connective tissue, that hasn't yet been discovered. I won't know what it is until I have the whole architecture to look at. There are a lot of things we won't know until that happens.

In other news, I finally got the piano vocal score in the mail for "Seven Deadly Sins." I love that I get to work with live music for this project. What a luxury, especially while I am working with students. Adding the musical element will give so much life and breath to the whole project.

We've begun staging arias for the final presentation of our Singer's Conservatory, and I am dealing with a complete lack of confidence on my part in my ability to put people effectively on stage. I think it was part headache, part sleep deprivation, and part that I completely respect the other teachers and don't yet feel like a peer. I think I'm still learning all of this stuff too and it's given me a mini complex. John and I were trying to figure out where this comes from right now; I think it may stem from my being overwhelmed with work and projects and still trying to reintroduce myself to the community as a whole. Who knows. It needs to end now though.

I'm not into beating myself up but I seem to be getting pretty good at it.