Votes of Confidence

For all intents and purposes I am a teacher. I got my college degree in dance education. I teach at conservatories and colleges for workshops and master classes throughout the year. Even when I am an assistant for productions I'm still a teacher - I teach the material, I teach movement to reluctant singers. When I was in college I taught dance at a parochial school. I am a teacher and I have the upmost respect for teachers because I know what a hard job it can be.

The problem is that I have very little confidence in myself as a teacher. Silly, I know. People tell me I'm good, that I have a "commanding presence." (In college, when I was a t.a. I was known as the "drill seargant"). I should believe in myself as a teacher but I just can't. I guess I still feel like I have so much to learn that I can't possibly impart knowledge yet. Directing and assisting is also different, so I don't think the problem is being in charge. When I'm directing or choreographing I am putting a piece together. It is implied that the people I am working with already have the skills to execute what I give them.

All of this is leading up to the fact that I walk into class all the time (I'm teaching on a daily basis right now at an arts magnet high school) and teach a planned class but I never stop getting nervous. This is coming from a person who has never experienced stage fright . . . why can't I consider class another performance? Perhaps I feel like there's more at stake and I don't want my students to think that I'm just talking out of my ass.

Every once in a while, someone says something that boosts my shaky teaching pillar. Today I had an old student tell me that they got a role they auditioned for solely because of some skills that they learned in my class. I taught them how to breathe and use their body well enough that they were able to get a job with the skills I imparted. This is the absolute highest form of flattery. Hearing that is better than the best performance review.

The photo, by the way, is me teaching a bunch of high school kids in Columbia, Missouri, my hometown. I go back to my old school every year and work with the amazing students there. I remember when two of the kids in this picture were born, so that shows the kind of history I have with this group. The older I get, the more important it is to me to be an influence, a mentor, a teacher...