We Laugh to Keep From Crying

The title of the post? My boyfriend just stated it as he was walking out of the office, after he was looking at ridiculous t-shirt designs bashing Bush and Cheney and I was reading various, randomly-selected blogs about our scary, scary future. John often speaks the truth.

I'm a nervous wreck right now, and not just because our government (our country....our world...) is going to hell in a handbasket. Everything in this little world of I, me, my is about to turn on its head. Tuesday I leave for Missouri. I'm there for several reasons. One, my best friend in the whole world is getting married. That's a pic of her and I at our ten-year high school reunion. Laural and I have known each other since we were nine years old. We shared lockers at various times all through junior high and high school, and we danced together. I've known her for so long that I don't really remember not knowing her. She doesn't dance anymore. She's a nurse in New York City and she's marrying a guy we both knew in high school, but they didn't start dating until much, much later.

I am her maid of honor. This is my second time in that role. The first time was for my friend, Susan's wedding. She is my other friend from high school (I actually have one other friend from high school: Margie. She is getting married in October but it's a private ceremony, so Laural's wedding is probably my last time as an attendant. Thank god). Susan got married in Breckenridge, Colorado outside overlooking a mountain lake. It was a beautiful ceremony but we were hideously cold in our little strapless dresses standing right in the path of the wind as it howled through the mountain pass. If I remember right it started pouring down rain right after the ceremony ended. I think I drank a lot of wine that night.

I'm in a strapless dress again for this wedding, but it takes place in mid-Missouri in September. I'm not worried about being cold. Laural chose to get married in her hometown. I guess it's good because it lets me get back home since that isn't going to happen over the holidays this year. I also finagled a job with my old dance studio. When I'm not running all over Missouri throwing bachelorette parties, attending showers and walking down someone else's aisle, I'll be choreographing a piece for a group of high school kids. It should be a great time . . . the nerve-wracking part is that I will be away from my cat who is not well at all right now. John is coming out to meet me (thank you god!) so someone will be taking care of Lucius who doesn't know all the ins and outs of his regimen. I am really worried that his health will tank or he'll pee all over the floor or some other hideous thing will happen...silly probably.

The other reason I'm a nervous wreck is my massive trip to Miami is coming up four days after I get back from Missouri. I am down there for nearly six months to work at Florida Grand Opera and will be without my sweetie for a very long time. Fortunately, Lucius will be with me for that trip so I'll have a little white, furry guy to keep me company. John IS driving down with me which I'm REALLY looking forward to! We've taken a road trip before and this time it's paid for by the opera company, so it should be doubly fun.

I've never been to any of the deep South states. I'm a little nervous about passing through some of the Katrina-ravaged areas. We have decided to take a more Northerly route so as not to pass right on top of New Orleans (not even sure if it's possible at this juncture), but I am still nervous about the amenities available down there and what the area will look like. Hopefully my tiny bit of commerce will help them all out in some small way.

Regardless of a cool road trip and having my cat with me and John driving down with me, I am still nervous as hell! Things change so fast in this career and who knows how this will all turn out. Who knows how anything will ever turn out. Things switch up on a dime. One day you're sitting on your front porch in Gulfport, Mississippi, and the next day your entire house is washed out to sea.

I think that's the root of my nerves...I'm sick of being away from my loved ones all the time. We have to hold the ones we love. We can't let them go in this world. We have to laugh with them and cry with them and let them in on all of our life. I'll be alone in Miami and being alone isn't acceptable to me anymore.