I Am A Dancer...

This is a statement I used to use all the time. When people asked me what I did for a living, this was how I responded.

Lately I've noticed a drop in this response. I also noticed, while reading over my "100 Things I Like" post, that I didn't really list dancing or the act of dancing as one of those things. Quite telling I think. I'm still trying to figure out where I fit into that business now that my body doesn't cooperate quite in the way it used to.

Did I leave dancing off the list because I really don't like dancing anymore? I don't think that's the case. I love taking class when I'm home, I still find myself grand battementing, rond de jambing, pirouetting when I'm in a rehearsal room by myself, I still stop when I pass a mirror to see what my arms look like a la seconde, en haut, I still point and flex my feet obsessively when I'm sitting down and end up in massive contortionist positions when I'm reading... I haven't lost the love, it's just slowly eked its way out of my life while I've been in this place, sitting on the other side of the table, working with singers.

As I move away from the business, dance is moving much more into the public eye than it was when I was younger and more gung-ho to ruin my body. I'm not sure it's all good, this publicity. What we see in the mainstream is all mediocre, mainstream hip-hop and celebrities learning ballroom in skanky outfits. I think the notion has come across through both the big and small screen that everyone who dances, deep down wants to dance this way. I'm not sure it's the publicity that this art form needs. I miss the Gregory Hines of the world showing tap dance in any venue possible, and Suzanne Farrell on Sesame Street. It's not that I don't think hip hop is a viable genre of dance when done well, I just feel like it milktoast version is the only thing getting any air time.

My friend in New York, a modern dancer, in an email to me about the nature of dance films today, showed disdain about how the dance world is portrayed in celluloid today the best when she said,

Please if my career EVER starts to resemble a shitty choreographed, no plot, sexless love story, motorcycle riding, 500 pirouetting, purple ballooning, street dancing, nicey nicey, pink tight totin', do rag wearin', non intelligent inspirationless, booty shakin', with curable anorexia, it'll be high time that I get the FUCK out of this job.

Well, I know it's not high time for her yet, and I don't think it's high time for me yet either. I think especially as I'm still on fire about dance on film. Can I change what's put in the public eye? I don't know, but I'd like the opportunity to try.

100 THINGS I LIKE

101. Dancing and all of the joy, heartache, pain, adrenalin and power it brings.