Fears (Left Over From Childhood..)

This is it. What you see above me is a forecast of what and when will be passing over my head in the next couple of days. The good news for us is that it is spending so much time over the Yucatan that they think it will dissipate quite a bit by the time it reaches Florida. They also think it will cross Central Florida as opposed to Southern, which makes the impact on Miami much less. (Not such good news for the Yucatan).

I'm terrified of storms. I went through a major tornado when I was eight years old and it left an indelible mark on my nervous system. The idea of mother nature wreaking havoc on my home puts me in an instant state of panic. Then, after watching so much horror on television during Katrina and Rita, the idea of experiencing that myself puts me on edge. I am trying to take it easy, to realize that the locals here know how to deal with this, to understand that all I can do is be prepared, but the pit of my stomach is still churning at the thought that, in moving to a place in order to avoid horrible storms, I have suddenly come here for a short period of time and dropped myself in the middle of one.

It's peppering the rehearsal process as well. This is not just logistically, though the scheduling continues to be a nightmare. People are noticeably on edge. They are erupting when they wouldn't normally, they stand outside on breaks and look at the ominous sky and ask if it's started raining constantly. The office staff is going crazy trying to decide when our two free days are to ensure that they fall right during when the storm will be passing over (an impossible task). I hate worrying about this when trying to put together a show. It shouldn't feel like a life and death situation but we all saw the footage a few months ago and, like the thought of getting on airplane after 9/11, we are dreading the worst if it happens to be bestowed upon us.

So....I'm trying to enjoy what I can. Yesterday we rehearsed a duet between "Rance" and "Minnie," where this poor man pours his heart out to the woman he is in love with and she tells him "absolutely not." Anthony Michaels-Moore, our "Rance," is so heartfelt in every word he says, it makes me well up to watch him be rejected when it's taken him so long to finally express his feelings. He stands behind her and asks for one kiss - he'll give her all the treasures he possesses for one kiss ("Or per un bacio tuo getto un tesoro!"), and as he reaches into her she comes back with, "L'amore e un'altra cosa" (real love is not like that). He is crushed, devestated. He's been scolded by her; she tells him that the love he is feeling is not real. It's anguish that he's in and I'm sitting, crushed against the side, trying to pretend that I haven't started to tear up. If I'm getting that emotional in the rehearsal room, I don't want to know what opening night will be like.

And so rehearsals go on. Thank heavens I can still get caught up. I only have to worry about real life in the in between times.